God is bigger than we'll ever know...

Well, I'm back from Dallas, and I was just getting caught up on the blogs I follow. I hope it's okay with Megan that I mention her, but after reading her most recent post here, I have no doubt that God is so much bigger than we will ever know!

Those of you that have been following my blog for a while now know that I was diagnosed with Melanoma in August, had surgery, and the doctor got it all. Hooray! Since then I have been super-paranoid and go to the dermatologist every time I notice anything that might be odd. It's a bit ridiculous...

Well, I went last Wednesday and saw the doctor's PA. To be completely honest, I thought, "Is it a waste of time seeing the PA when the doctor is a cancer specialist?" However, Jill was absolutely amazing. She did a head to toe (literally) exam. She understood my concern and said, "If you think a spot looks weird, and I think it looks weird, let's just take it off." She was so sweet and put me at ease. After removing 3 spots to be biopsied, she said, "No news is good news but you can always call us in a week to double check." After I left, I wrote a note in my calendar to call next Thursday.

Fast forward 44 hours... I'm sitting in Business Statistics watching the clock tick, eagerly awaiting 11:50am because I would then hit the road to Dallas to meet Momma for our girls weekend. My phone started ringing and I did not recognize the number on the caller ID. However, when it was a 405 area code (here in OKC) and they left a voicemail, I decided to excuse myself from class to listen to the voicemail. "Hi Elizabeth, It's "name" from "Dr. Name's" office. Please call me when you can." There are no words to describe the feeling after hearing that message. It was a mix of nausea, dizziness, and utter despair. I walked back into class, fighting tears, and I have no idea what the professor said for the remaining 10 minutes.

When 11:50 (finally) arrived, I booked it out of class. However, the motivation had changed. I called the nurse back immediately and she delivered the bad news. The spot on my arm was melanoma and the spot on my chest was dysplastic (an abnormal development of cells). The doctor scheduled surgery for Thursday at 8:00am to take 1cm on all sides of the spot on my arm and 5mm on all sides of the spot on my chest. As I walked to my car, all I could say was, "Okay... Okay... Okay... thank you... I'll be there."

I got in the car and immediately called my dad.

"Hey there Sweetie."

"Daaaaaaaaaad...."

"Uh oh, what's wrong?"

"The dermatologist just called..." ::tears, tears, tears, unintelligible speech::

**Dad was a total champ. He listened, spoke calmly, and kept me calm.**

About an hour and a half into my drive to Dallas, Momma's airplane landed and she called.

We spoke for only a moment because we were both crying and decided to talk details once I got to the hotel in Dallas.

All this is to say that I know God has amazing plans for Thursday of this week. Thursday is the day that Megan from "In This Wonderful Life" will find out the report for the left side of baby Cohen's heart... and it's the day that I am convinced I will once again be cancer free. I have complete faith the doctor's will get it all.

Like Megan's most recent post, this is not a sad post, but rather a post acknowledging God's complete control.

If there was any doubt, I'm convinced the first hour of music playing on the radio for my drive to Dallas was picked especially for me.

I cried, smiled, and cried some more as I sang along and was reminded of how amazing God is:

You are God alone

from before time began

You were on your throne

You are God alone

And right now,

in the good times and bad

You are on your throne

You are God alone

- "You are God Alone" Phillips, Craig, and Dean

I was sure by now, God, that You would have reached down
and wiped our tears away,
stepped in and saved the day.
But once again, I say amen
and it's still raining
as the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain,
"I'm with you"
and as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise
the God who gives and takes away.

And I'll praise you in this storm
and I will lift my hands

for You are who You are
no matter where I am
and every tear I've cried
You hold in your hand
You never left my side
and though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm

- "Praise You In This Storm" Casting Crowns

In Christ alone I place my trust 

And find my glory in the power of the cross 

In every victory, let it be said of me 

My source of strength, my source of hope Is Christ alone

- "In Christ Alone" Brian Littrell

I hope this provides you with the hope that it has for me over the last few very difficult days. 

Here I stand in awe of YOU, God. 

xoxo, E