Do you ever have a moment when you are so overwhelmed with the thought of someone that you can't help but call/text/email them as soon as possible?
This happened to me yesterday. The sermon at church was about helping the poor. At the end of the message, Pastor David stepped forward and said, "As we leave today, I want you to think about a few questions. First, in our world, who are the widows and orphans?" At this moment, a rush of sickness swept over me and tears welled up in my eyes. I had no clue what was going on, but the only thing I could think of was "what would I do if something happened to my parents?" I can tell you that it wouldn't be pretty... I'd probably have to be hospitalized. I can't tell you any of the other questions Pastor David asked. The only thing on my mind was that I needed to text (because the emotion was so overwhelming) Momma and Papas and tell them just how much I love them. I would never forgive myself if something happened to them, and I didn't take advantage of that opportunity to tell them how much they mean to me.
To move from one overwhelming moment to the next... After our sorority meeting last night, I came back to my room to work on a few things before heading to bed. As I sat at my desk, a wave of anxiety hit me like a ton of bricks. My chest tightened up, and I couldn't breathe normally. These attacks have happened in the past, but this was one where I couldn't pinpoint the cause.
But, one thing that kept running through my mind was the sermon from yesterday morning... The meat of the sermon was from Nehemiah chapter 5. We discussed helping the poor and the difference between righteous rich/poor and unrighteous rich/poor. I want to be one of the righteous ones. I never would have said (and probably still wouldn't say) that I feel called to the mission field. However, I do feel called to help others. I have a burning passion to work for St. Jude Children's Research Hospital, and I think I might be called to work for Compassion International to work with the children that are sponsored abroad by the Christian community.
I have NO idea what God is going to do in my life, but I know He is busy at work. I used to always talk with friends about the fact that God might audibly talk to some, and others can just feel his presence. I feel like God and I have a very distinct rapport of communication... especially when He really wants me to do something... I always, always, ALWAYS feel sick. When I was in high school, and an adult would ask if someone wanted to get up and share/pray for the group/etc., I would always get a horrible stomach ache. Of course, this happened again yesterday... coupled with an anxiety attack.
This morning I woke up EXHAUSTED, and I still have a tight feeling in my chest. I will be in constant prayer until God relieves this pressure and reveals to me the purpose of it all. I appreciate any prayers you are willing to provide as well :)
Happy Monday! xoxo, E